Generation “E”
Last month the Editor of Family & Life Magazine, Singapore asked me to write an article about families who raise entitled children. I immediately winced at the thought of writing this article that described so many children I have come into contact with over the past few years. I worried about the backlash I would receive from fellow parents for writing this article. Fortunately, I remembered most of us, including me at times only have the capacity for minimal self-reflection anyway. So my social life would probably remain intact. Sadly, I also realized I was regarding my literary fan base a bit too much in believing that everyone in town was waiting for my articles to arrive in their mailbox. Basically that group consists of my mom and occasionally my husband.
My first step in the writing process was to define what this term actually meant, because what did I know about rising generation “E?” I hoped nothing, but as I researched and began writing; tiny seeds of doubt crept into my mind. According to World Book Dictionary, an entitled person is one who has a right to ask for or get something. He or she is a privileged individual. The important part of this definition is the word “right.” There is no concept or understanding that the “right” is earned.
As I wrote I began to think about my sons and what we were doing right and wrong in relation to this topic. Upon moving to Singapore we consciously chose not employ a helper; for those of you unfamiliar a helper is mainly Singaporean term for a full time live-in employee who cooks, cleans, shops for groceries, assists with the children, helps run the home and the old standby other duties as assigned. Employing fulltime house staff is quite a popular and an affordable option in Singapore especially for Ex-Pat families like ours.
My choice not to have a helper has been a source of much conversation. We have been questioned by everyone including our move coordinator, our friends, clerks, teachers, employers and even a few uncle taxi cab drivers about our reasons for not having a helper. There are many reasons, but basically, it comes down to three things: I do not work fulltime and do not feel it is necessary, my husband and I enjoy our privacy and we believe our family should function as a team which includes our children’s daily help with chores and running our home. While having a helper is a positive experience for many families it is simply our choice to do without. I will admit to having a housekeeper come2x a month. Mainly to handle the marble floors that I can’t seem to keep clean, but the kids are only slightly aware she comes because she arrives and leaves during the school day. But I have heard the kids comment on how nicely she organizes their stuffed animals and they choose to sleep on top of the covers for a few nights so as not to mess up her work.
Today, like every afternoon I stand at the bus stop with the other mums and helpers while I wait for my boys to get off the school bus from the American School. And every day I watch the middle school girl get off the bus and hurl her backpack at her helper to carry and then the tween proceeds to walk 3 paces ahead of her helper and routinely forgets a basic consideration like holding the door for the helper. Did I mention the helper is attempting to grab the coded door while balancing the backpack with the younger sibling strapped to her in a handmade baby Bjorn and a grocery sack from Cold Storage in the other hand? Disgusting huh. Yes, that makes me feel smug in both my parenting abilities and my decision not to employ a helper. My angels rush over to open the door for the helper and of course they carry their own bags. I also feel like throttling the girl and her parent….but I digress.
My smugness however, is short lived. Once we arrive home I ask my 10 year old to get some trash bags and empty all of the tiny trash cans in the house. He does it but with a sour look on his face and he dramatically wipes his brow mentioning how hot it is in Singapore. I’d call that Strike 1 in parenting that day. A few minutes later my 8 year old asks me if he needs to straighten his room before going downstairs to play with his condo friends. I respond the way I do every day when he asks me this same question “Yes, of course. “He grimaces and asks when the housekeeper is coming back. Strike 2 for my parenting. That afternoon there were many additional strikes on my parenting record but there is always tomorrow and a chance to get a homerun.
Writing this article reminded me of some fundamental things Dwayne and I are doing well and was pleased by our efforts. It also shined an excruciatingly bright spotlight on what we were doing wrong as parents. There is no manual about how to raise my sons, and as parents we are a work in progress and some days we are better at it than others.
*Check out my article on page 20 about rising generation “E” There are tips and interesting facts. Just paste in your browser and the issue will be immediately available.
file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/reenieschust/My%20Documents/Downloads/FamilyAndLife-Issue_6-Mar2014%20(1).pdf
Passport Parenting, Singapore 